NVC Niff Clotes: Chapter Eleven: The Protective Use of Force

"The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury or injustice, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent, or change. The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking. Punishment damages Goodwill and self-esteem and shifts our attention from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences. "

This chapter conveys a simple, brief message, acknowledging the necessity of the use of force in rare and specific circumstances. Rosenburg differentiates between protective and punitive uses of force. He neglects the coercive use of force, but what he says about punishment works for coercion, too.

Rosenberg includes the use of certain sorts of language under the category of use of force. This includes using blame to discredit another person or withholding gratification such as a parent taking away driving privileges and or withdrawal of caring or respect. He considers this a very powerful threat. 

Punishment is ineffective because we want not only to change what people do but also to influence why they do it, remaking respectful and empathic towards them. If people do things for the wrong reasons they may sabotage the ultimate goal. If we coerce people into doing our will, we undermine our long-term interests. 

At one point Rosenburg mentions the difficulty of clarifying the difference between NVC and permissiveness. Unfortunately he doesn't elaborate at this point. A permissive parent or teacher neglects their own needs. Rosenberg would have us keep listening and using NVC until we achieve empathy. At that point when we see the other's needs and our own, and we both feel heard, we may be able to negotiate to a win-win solution. 

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